beach day

Zibby and I woke up around 8 (early for us) and puttered around for a little bit this morning. Then we found ourselves back in bed, nursing and playing, when Zibby decided she was hungry for eggs. I was sort of dozing and was trying to placate her with “soons” and “in a minutes” . Then I told her that a big hug and kiss would help me get up. She shook her head and then a few minutes later, gave me a kiss and hug. I was already feeling pretty low about that, I mean, she wants breakfast, and I am trying to manipulate her into giving me a kiss. Ugh. And I still didnt get up.

Then she took matters into her own hands. She left the bed and headed into the kitchen. So, I dragged myself out of bed, and got to the kitchen just as she pulled the carton out of the fridge. And set it on her step stool. And then she climbed onto the stool and knocked the egg carton off. And 3 of the 4 eggs broke. 2 unsalvageably. So, I very angrily started cleaning up the eggs.

Zibby, now seeing the eggs arent cooking right away, gets down. I (not in a very nice voice) tell her to stay out of the egg mess I am trying to wipe up. So, she goes back in the fridge and gets out the tortillas. Opens bag. Gets out tortilla. Takes two bites. Puts tortilla on floor and stamps on it. Very close to the egg mess.
I snapped up the tortilla and whipped it, frisbee style, into the other room and yelled and actually screached at my hungry two year old. Zibby ran around the corner. A second later, she peeps back at me, and is crying and saying “Sorry, Mama”.

Thats when this thought popped into my head: “People before things, put the relationship first”.
So I apologized and hugged her and made the eggs. And promised myself to be Mindful today, and see what I noticed, and if I could make some adjustments.

I had another opportunity when we left to go out. First, as we were walking down the stairs, Zibby is saying “come on Zibby” every step…just like I usually do because we are running late and I am trying to hurry her. I make a mental note to be pleasant and patient in the stairway.

Zibby wanted to hold the keys. Ok. We get to the car, and she presses the keyless entry button. Ok. Then she wants to put the key in the doorlock. I try to tell her that the door is already unlocked, but she is adamant. So, I ask myself, whats the big deal, anyway. So, she “unlocks” the door. And then wants to climb in a put the key in the ignition. I really want to say NO, and just grab her up and get going, but I dont. She puts the key in, and very pleased, hops in the back seat to her chair. I go around and I wait as she attempts to buckle herself in. When she asks for help, I snap her in and we go.

We got to the beach and we didnt see anyone we knew, so we set up camp pretty close to the water. I made a bazillion trips to fill up the buckets that Zibby dumped out immediately upon my return. I did not complain or insist she could do it herself. Sometimes she went with me, sometimes she stayed in our shady spot. When she wanted to go, we packed up and went. We rinsed our feet extra very thouroughly in the shower thingy because shower thingies are Zibbys favorite thing.

We went home, had a bath, nursing, and both of us napped. When we got up, we had snacks, and Zibby watched Signing Time. I tried to read a magazine, but every time I picked it up, Zibby appeared with a book for me to read. We read “Sheep in a Jeep”, “Sheep in a Shop”, “Busy Monkeys”, and “Calvin and Hobbes”. Actually, she really just likes one page in Calvin and Hobbes, where Calvin is trying to climb out a window. She loves that page.

After dinner, we went to the grocery store. On the way there, I put my window down, and put Zibbys down a little, too. The whole way there she kept asking me to put it up, put it down. My first reaction was to say NO, with all sorts of rationals that didnt really make any sense. So, I kept adjusting her window up and down, up and down. What did it hurt? Nothing. On the way home again, Zibby and I did the window thing again.

She noticed the moon in the sky, and said “HELLLOOOOO Mooon!!!!”, so we said hello to the moon for a while, and then Zibby said, in such a plaintive voice “I CANT REACH IT”, I said, “No, honey, its high in the sky” and she kept telling me she wanted to reach it, but couldnt. It was so sweet. I called my mom and told her about it. I told Buzz when we got home, and he said she did it the other night outside in the front yard.

Another cute story is that when we got home, as we were walking up the stairs, Zibby said “I miss Papa!” and when we got in the door and he was there, she told him she had missed him.

I guess my lesson today is that my first reaction a lot of the time is No, and I can find a lot of ways to change that, and the key is to be mindful and question those no’s. And to stay in the present, and to keep my eyes on the prize-which is Zibby and her delightfulness and our relationship being strong and respectful and loving. And I hope that Zibby’s lesson was that Mama loves her and enjoys her and her world is one where she can explore and experiment and be herself and be accepted for just that.

Filed under ponderings, photos |