jan update

Today I was in the bathroom and realized there was no toilet paper. I called for Zibby to help me, but she was in her “beauty room” (ie, the closet) and couldnt hear me. I called Henry-a little over two years old,

“henry! mama needs help! come help mama!”
he jumped off the bed and came thumping down the hallway
“I save you mama!” (his little two year old voice and enunciation just make me smile from ear to ear)
and he successfully opened the hall closet, got me the toilet paper, and ran back to the tv.

Yesterday, I took Zibby over to her friend’s to play, and on the way she realized she forgot a toy she wanted to bring. She sobbed the whole way there. She said:

Mama, Im sadder than the whole world! Im sadder than a dog with out a bone! Like a hotdog without mustard! Im sadder than all the people in China! You’ll never know how really sad I am!!!

Indeed, I do. I remember the intensity of such emotions.

January is the most difficult month of the year for us. Its cold. Its dark. All of our clothes bite us and make us unable to leave the house. (some of us more than others) The past 4 years Ive been able to break up the winter by going to miami for a vacation, but this year we didnt go. This year we bought a car, instead.

Yes, we picked up our brand new silver kia rondo this week. I think I am going to call her Ronda. Ronda Rondo.

and we have decided to go to the Unschooler Winter WaterPark Gathering in Ohio again, and we are also hoping to drive to New York to visit our friends who moved there a month ago. We miss them so much! They will also be in Ohio. so, we have lots to look forward to.

Zibby is taking ballet, gymnastics and ice skating. Henry takes a mom n tot gym class with me, and we all do a family music class. I am doing yoga twice a week (ideally! I try to make it!) and sometimes zibby and papa go swimming on the weekend.

This weekend Im hosting a soup swap party

http://soupswap.com/news/?page_id=2

I will definitely post about it after with phots! I hope it goes well!
Im cooking a lot, which makes me happy.
And Im working every day on organizing and editing our things so that our house will be easier to keep clean.

this last week was really grief-heavy, but i expect it comes and goes and I will just keep making it through each day.

thats all anyone can do, right?

I ate the piece of buche de noel.

today zibby woke up around 9ish and handed me the remote and asked me to turn on a show for her (we were all still in bed) which I did, and henry and I kept sleeping for a while more. eventually henry wanted out of bed, so I got up with him and we went in the other room and played puzzles and watched wow wow wubbzy and hung out.

I debated making a green smoothie for myself but ended up snacking on triple chocolate cookies I made the other night and are super delicious. Zibby doesnt usually want to eat right when she wakes up. Around twelvish I was hungry so I started making myself a ham sandwich. I asked zibby if she wanted a turkey sandwich. She came over to the fridge and got out last nights noodles and soup. She asked for a turkey sandwich, noodles, and also a piece of buche noel. I bought a gorgeous buche noel cake at Whole Foods on super sale. She wanted a piece with lots of decor. I put everything on separate plates (her request). After all the cake talk I suspected that she might eat that first and be full, but she sat and had 3 bowls of noodles, then ate half her sandwich, and left the cake on the table, untouched. well, she touched the decor actually and played with some of the frosting leaves. but she didnt eat it.

She also took about a dozen of the cookies into her bedroom and played kitchen with them, but didnt eat more than one or two.

My point is, zibby is give access to all of the food in our house, and I prepare and offer her a variety of things, and she eats a wide variety of them, when she is hungry and when she is hungry for them. I didnt make any kind of deal or comment on her requests for her meal (now, eat all your sandwich before you touch that cake!)

Later in the afternoon she ate freeze dried strawberries, fresh strawberries, that I know of, which she got on her own, and for dinner she had 3 small flour tortillas rolled up with taco meat (no cheese or other toppings) she drank water all day.

Henry had several bites of several cookies (ha!) a couple handful of pretzels when we sat down for lunch, a bite of strawberry, a bite of toast, and nursed whenever he wanted all day long.

the reason I thought Id write this down is lots of people around me are fretting about what their kids eat and when and how and withholding “desserts” or treats and I have found that letting go of all that has really allowed my daughter to follow her own body;s cues. She eats fruits, veggies, chocolate, meat, grains…without me doing anything besides making it available and attractive.

Im watching an advance cd of interviews of the unschooling documentary lee stranahan is making.

and watching sandra talk about food made me think about today and I wanted to share. up till now a lot of my parenting ideas have been theoretical and or Ive read about other people’s results and experiences. I believed what unschooling was doing for their lives, and now I am seeing what its doing in ours. Its cool.

happy christmas

I confess that I am still in a funk. I am not enjoying xmas as much as I usually do. But, I’m trying.

I took the kids to Winter Wonderfest at Navy Pier. Zibby had a blast with her friends and she even ice skated without me! She went on lots of rides and slides. I had to get Henry to sleep as it was his naptime and he was very cranky. It was a little bit bittersweet because that was the last day we saw our friends, Jill, Tico and Owl, because they moved to New York the next day. We miss them alot.

On my birthday we went to brunch and in the evening, a holiday party at a friend’s house. I took a long nap in the afternoon with Henry so that was a good day. On Christmas Eve, we went to Buzz’ sister’s house. There were 13 adults and 11 children, and 2 dogs. We opened gifts and then had our traditional dinner of spagetti and meatballs. It was very good, as always. When we got home, we gave the children baths and then tried to get them to sleep. Eventually I was the only one awake, and I had work to do!

Christmas morning, Zibby and John got up and found the scooter that Santa left for Zibby. When Henry and I got up we opened up the rest of our gifts and stockings and called my dad to say Merry Christmas. Last year’s brunch at the Bagel was so yummy we decided to go again. This time, Buzz’ brother Tim met us there with his girlfriend. I had the brisket french dip and was not disappointed! We got home just in time to meet my sister and her two kids at my house. They drove in from Muncie.

On Saturday, my brother and his girlfriend came by for cards and then dinner. I made ham, roast beef, mashed potatoes, maple glazed brussel’s sprouts, sauteed beets, canned corn and canned peas, and crescent rolls. Everyone ate alot and then we went into food comas.

Zibby got barbies, littlest pet shop daycare center, ballet costumes and shoes, makeup case with makeup, a headset for singing and a scooter. Henry got trucks, books and a farm with animals to play with. They both got flashlights and games. We got Buzz a skin for his ipod and I got a camera and cookbooks, a Tom Tom gps and some gift cards to spend on my hobbies

I made a lot of gifts for people, which I enjoyed and I hope they enjoyed, too.

My sister’s kids and mine

Grandma and Bub

sad news

My mother passed away last week.
She had been admitted to the hospital, having got suddenly rather sick, and after a week of not really knowing what was wrong, she just went and died.
We are all in shock.

My brother and sister and my dad, too, went to Kentucky for her funeral.
Its been very difficult, and I have felt more aware of my own mortality and I desperately hope that I don’t die until before my children have grown into adults.

I keep walking around thinking, “I’m so depressed” but then I realize that Im not, Im sad, and there is a difference, and it will get better.

Its December, and I hope that all the busyness and holidayness will help keep me occupied. Plus, its my birthday, soon. I will be 36 years old.

happier post to come, I promise.

past due update

yes, its been a while since I posted. partly, its because Im working part time now, at home, taking care of another child, and probably partly because facebook meets my immediate gratification needs of communication with the outside world.

and we’ve been busy. Zibby says too busy. She has strongly suggested we cut back on classes and spend more time at home watching tv. LOL. I do think I was a little over ambitious, but I was also worried about not getting out enough and getting enough activity. So, taking this into account, I will be more selective about what we do next “sign up” session.

Zibby would like to continue with gymnastics and ballet and also take ice skating. cool.
Henry is pretty happy doing whatever everyone else is doing. Too bad he sleeps thru most of Open Gym (our weekly meetup with our homeschool group) its right in his naptime and he usually misses most of it.
We also take a Music Together class taht everyone likes.

Having Madeline with us in the mornings m-thur has been working out pretty well.

Ive been sewing and making a lot of stuff to participate in a local homeschool handmade craft fair. Its been really fun to be creative again. I really love sewing! Who knew?!

Ive also been cooking-gotta use up those CSA vegetables! Sometimes I have vegetable eating friends come over on fridays and I make them lunch. Ive made curried cabbage and chicken salad, creamy carrot and ginger soup, pasta e fagioli, garlic sauteed brussels sprouts, and chocolate beet cake muffins. I just tried roasted brussels sprouts with maple/mustard glaze. Very yummy. Tonight I made potato and kale soup. It turned out tasty, but the color was a little dingy because I used the purple kale.

Overall, things are good.

Some un good things, my mom is in the hospital right now, with a blood infection and they arent sure where its coming from. She is in the ICU. Vanessa is down in Kentucky trying to figure out whats going on.

Other, not as dire, but still on the ungood side, is that a family who we’ve grown really close to is relocating in the next month and we will surely miss them. The mom and I are very good friends, as well as our oldest girls. Another close friend moved this summer and another friend of Zibby’s chose to start school, so our social lives are taking a big hit! Luckily we have a nice big active homeschool community, but when close friends move, its still really hard.

Henry is starting to talk more and more, yesterday he said a full sentence! LIke, with 7 words! He likes to play doctor with buzz and zibby and he likes to dance. He gives lots of smooches and hugs and is all aroud a bright sunny kid who brings joy and light to our family.

In the same way that having a daughter has helped me to heal myself, having a son has helped me love my husband more. I can sometimes see the little boy that buzz might have been, and it helps me to have more compassion and understanding when I get frustrated or dont feel heard. I dont know if I am articulating this as well as I could, but it helps me have more love, which cant be bad, can it?

at the arboretum:

halloween

ballet

at the apple orchard

zibby and cousins go crazy over SILs new puppy

it was summer not so long ago!

instant classic

Henry Turned Two!

well, Henry went and turned two.
He had a very fun party at the bowling alley with family and some friends. He even bowled!

There just arent enough words to describe how much I love Henry. He is so wonderful and sweet and fun to have around. He loves to laugh and to make us laugh.

He goes gaga over Zibby and Buzz, who he calls Sistoo and Bahpah.

He loves shoes. He loves balls and trucks and cars and dinosaurs. He loves to point out airplanes in the sky. He loves to stomp in puddles and whack bushes with sticks. He loves babies and puppies and ice cream. He likes to watch Max and Ruby on tv. He loves to nurse. He likes to pretend to sleep, including pretend snoring. He likes to do really loud fake sneezes. He likes to drink anything Im drinking- coffee,soda, water, doesnt matter. He loves bbq chips and cool ranch doritos and sausage and hamburger and fries and rice.

He can sign : Nurse, more, help, hot, cold, baby, shoe, clothes, all done, airplane, eat, water, potty

Says: Where’s Sister? Where’d Sister go? Sister mean. Where’s Papa? Where’s Henry? Peeka boo! All gone. Papa Home!
Words: Sister, Mama, Papa, baby, kitty, chocolate, chips, show, more, car, coco (tv controller!) eat, shoes, help

Skills: can get off bed by sliding feet first, on his bottom. Climbs stairs, can go down stairs with railing, uses fork to eat, pours water into cups, turns on dishwasher (constantly!), puts on own shoes, touches toes, does kung fu moves and spins, yoga positions! can push chair to counter and climb up, can turn tv on,

can touch: eyes, ears, hair, tongue, lips, toes, nose, bellybutton

Uses potty for #2 always. Wears a diaper when we go out and overnight, underwear or commando at home during the day. Sometimes will pee in potty if I suggest it, sometimes he tells me beforehand, more often afterwards, or not at all.

Nurses often during the day and to go to sleep at night, a couple times during the night. Sleeps with me and John, and is a wiggly rolly polly sleeper, sometimes horizontal, sometimes upside down…

Gives kisses and hugs often, and tickles. Absolutely loves Zibby and other kids, always wants to be in on the action. Likes to be carried in my sling or pushed in the jog stroller.

He takes one nap midday, usually falls asleep around 10, wakes up at 7-8. Will sleep in stroller or sling if we are out.

He is 33 inches tall and about 26 lbs. He wears a size 6.5 shoe and is in 2T clothes (mostly)

He is scrumptious.

ninth wedding anniversary

On thursday, Buzz and I will have been married for 9 years. Together for nearly 12.

When I met him, at 23, I was a wreck in many ways, but I had determined that I no longer wanted to be a wreck, and had realized I absolutely had to change to have the life I wanted. In the beginning, it was hard. Not our relationship-in fact, we rarely had disagreements and really had a wonderful time together. What was hard, at the beginning, was to act like I deserved this relationship, that I was a good enough person to be in it, and that I was worth all the kindness and love that I was receiving.

I am so grateful that my husband was able to see things in me that I could not, and I am grateful for his love and support and trust and care. He has given me the room to grow and learn and become who I am today. He has given me the gift of children and family that I have always wanted.

He works outside the home to support us financially, and trusts me to make lifestyle decisions for our family. That I get to be home with my children while they are young, and homeschool them, is a gift that I appreciate every day. My husband has come along on a path of attachment parenting that sounded so weird at first. But he has supported my breastfeeding, my belief in the importance of sleep sharing with our children, carrying them in slings, following their cues with eating and sleeping and respecting their interests and he even watches Hannah Montana and High School Musical and sings his own parts!

Its a far cry from the music he used to listen to! But that’s just the kind of devoted father he is.
12 years ago, I just knew he was cute and nice and really funny.
I am still not sure what made him decide I was the one for him, but he did, and here we are.

Happy Anniversary, Honeys, I love you.

end of august!

So, here it is the last week of August.
We never made it to Milennium Park or the Botanic Garden or to The Shedd or any other museum downtown, either. I meant to…but getting downtown…parking, the stroller, walking all over, the crowds..sigh. perhaps in cooler weather I will feel more inclined.

Today Zibby and I harvested a lot of tomatoes, a few peppers and we delivered them to some of our neighbors in our building. It reminded me of the time my mom sent my brother and I around the neighborhood with a wagon full of extra veggies. She told us not to accept money but some of the neighbors gave us some anyway. I think we used it to go the the cement beach in naperville. I think that may have been the only time we ever went. Centennial park I think it was called. Anyway, Zibby enjoys cutting the veggies off and she also likes helping to distribute them.

My fall and winter share of Angelic Organics has started and boy howdy, its a lot of veggies. Scads of lettuce, bags of bok choi, corn out the wazoo. I pureed my booty of beets to make chocolate beet muffins again, and I made some fabulous corn cakes, both from the Farmer John cookbook. I plan to make tomato sauce this week, mango salsa (uses up all the cukes we keep getting!) and will likely have to freeze some of the choi. Wish we had more freezer space!

today zibby told us how to make strawberry popsicles. she said we need strawberries, butter, milk, and baking flouder. I think that must be a mix of flour and powder. anyway, then you mix it all up and freeze it.

Zibby is still in frequent contact with her imaginary friend, Mary. We talk about Mary alot. Also, Zibby is deeply into Hannah Montana and is often “in character” as Hannah or Miley. She is very into fashion and clothes (and is also often making sure that her clothes are breastfeeding-friendly!)

basically , zibby is a source of hilarity and joy for all of us, including herself.

I guess this is where the rubber hits the road. ZIbby is 5 and if she were going to start school, it would be in just a few weeks. A couple of her friends (also now 5) are really wanting to go to school, but though Zibby talks about it sometimes, she doesnt seem all that interested. Thank goodness. So, I will officially be homeschooling her, finally. Of course, I considered us to be an Unschooling family from the get-go, but perhaps before kindergarten, its all just theoretical.

At any rate, we wont lack for things to do. Zibby is taking a dance class called Acro Aerial with the dance company Ameba. They use trapeze bars and hoops and silks. Im also hoping to get her into several classes thru the park district, but we will see what she gets into on monday, after the registration opens. She has been taking some cooking classes and clay classes the last couple weeks and has been enjoying them. She is doing really great with drop-off classes and even has been having drop-off playdates at friend’s houses. She is becoming really independent which is great to see.

One really big change is that I am going to be taking care of another child monday thru thursday from 7:30 until 12:30 when I will drop her off at preschool. She is the daughter of a friend, and we’ve known her all her life (3.5 years!), and they live close. This is my new paying job! I think it will be fun and maybe give us a little structure to our day. Im also really excited about the additional income for our family. One thing we plan to do is redecorate the second bedroom and turn it into a functional kid bedroom.

Henry is going to turn 2 very soon and deserves a post all his own with all his marvelous accomplishments. Im trying to decide how to celebrate his birthday (where, when, etc). He is a wonderful little guy and I cannot believe he is so big.

Lastly, garden news: We’ve started harvesting the cukes, the squash never grew anything, and the tomatoes are crazy big and I saw one red one out there today. THe rest cant be far behind. The bell peppers are like, a huge bumper crop. Those earthboxes work great. I will take photos this weekend!